Wednesday 27 August 2008

Proud to be British??


Was musing on this the other day after watching a Panorama special on ‘Britishness’. For those of you not from this wet little corner of NW Europe the Right in Britain, led by the paranoid ranting of the Daily Mail (barely concealing its origins as first a pro-Empire and then pro-Fascist newspaper), have been harping on for a while now about the decline of ‘British’ identity. It seems the British way of life is threatened by three major developments:


1) the devolution of power to Scotland and Wales (with a corresponding resurgence in their respective national identities)
2) an emerging European Superstate that wants to govern every aspect of British life and
3) increased immigration.

The problem as the documentary itself demonstrated is that no-one can quite agree on what exactly Britishness is. Politicians from across the spectrum now agree that there is something uniquely British that needs to be preserved, queue talk of a British National Day, of British Jobs for British Workers and citizenship on the national curriculum, but ordinary Joe Public when quizzed generally struggled to identify what this was.

The closing ceremony of the Olympic Games demonstrated that there is no single defining essence. What we got was a Red London bus, David Beckham, a young British Indian girl walking on the backs of ‘passengers’ queuing for the bus with umbrellas and a rendition of Led Zepellin’s “Whole Lotta Love” sung by X-Factor winner Leona Lewis.

Some people interviewed came up with feelings (proud), other with values (democracy) others simply shrugged their shoulders and said they didn’t know. Panorama interspersed all this with photos of the Queen, the Red Arrows flying squadron and clips of John Cleese doing his famous ‘silly walk’ in the once ubiquitous suit and bowler hat of civil servants.

The problem of course is that Britain and Britishness were ‘created’ after the Union of Scotland and England in 1701, in many ways to placate Scottish fears that they were being absorbed or conquered by England. Great Britain was a union of nations united by monarchy and parliament. In addition most identities are defined in opposition to something that they are not, an ‘other’, so during the 18th, 19th and most of the 20th centuries it was easy to cast British as not German, not French, part of Europe but distinct from it and of course all this was aided by a worldwide empire that facilitated the development of a jingoistic patriotism in this new identity.

Today in a world where we do not face an immediate enemy from across the Channel, in a post-imperial world where we have become a multicultural nation is there any such thing as British? and what is it other than a residual attachment to a weakening union. Sure we can point to the flag-waving of the Last Night of the Proms and the rallying chorus of ‘Rule Britannia but other than intangible qualities is there anything tangible left? Interestingly most naturalized immigrants to Britain prefer to identify as British rather than for example as English which is seen as being a predominantly ‘white’ identity defined in contrast to our Welsh and Scots neighbours and those meddling Europeans. Anyway enough of the academic musing here is a list of things that make me think of Britain and arguably ‘feel British:

1. The Queen – ‘God Bless her’ :-)
2. The Flag – arguably one of the most distinctive in the world
3. The Humble Cup of Tea
4. Warm ale (with a nice frothy head – if you are northern)
5. Our irreverence for political authority and the long history of political satire and comedy that goes with it.
6. Our music – infinitely preferable to Euro-pop
7. Our island status and long association with the Sea, trade, travel, exploration
8. The Weather – and its impact on defining our national character. Of course we whinge, so would the Aussies or anyone if they had such unpredictability on a daily basis
9. Sport – from Football to Rugby and the Olympics.. (and the passion it generates)
10. Our quirkiness – where else do you get cheese-rolling, welly-throwing, plough-races, sheep-dog trials, bottle-kicking, caber-tossing, bog-snorkelling, gorilla-runs, and birdmen competitions?

In a nation built on successive waves of migration from German tribes (Angles and Saxons), to Vikings, Normans, Huguenots, Jews, South Asians and new-Europeans how could Britishness be built on blood and belonging? If we threw all immigrants out the only people left would be the descendants of the Beaker and Celts so in other words the Welsh! So if you love her Madge, drink tea, think we rock musically, and love watching football and eating chips in the rain – welcome to the club. And we don’t need a ‘test’ or a government promoted class to tell us who we are.

Thursday 21 August 2008

Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics

Quick one for now.

Interesting how in the US the Olympic medal table is calculated by total number of medals won rather than by number of golds. Of course when you see that by opting for the former rather than the latter the United States comes out on top beating China by 2 medals it all becomes clear.

Everyone else, including the Official Website of the 2008 Games ranks nations by gold medals won, then silver and bronze, which given their relative import makes sense. Of course perhaps its just too traumatic for the american psyche to be knocked off the top spot by its great economic and Communist rival. I could make a tenuous link to hegemonic decline but as I'm not giving a Pol Sci lecture I won't :-)

(New York Times Medal Table)
http://2008games.nytimes.com/olympics/medals.asp

(Official Medal Table)
http://results.beijing2008.cn/WRM/ENG/INF/GL/95A/GL0000000.shtml

Naturally I prefer the official table as it puts team GB in 3rd rather than 4th! Either way we are still ahead of the Ozzies who are displaying the rather British characteristic of whingeing!
http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2008/aug/12/olympicgames.aquatics.britainaustralia

Monday 18 August 2008

We Finally Have the Midas Touch!

After a lifetime of great British sporting failures, near-misses and over-hyped potential stars I have to say the recent successes of Team GB in the Beijing Olympics leaves me somewhat stunned. Similarly the sight of Britain in third place behind China and the United States in the medal table does kindle a wave of jingoistic nationalist pride which in turn evokes Elgar, the Last Night of the Proms, the humble pint and the Great British cuppa. I also have to admit to getting rather carried away shouting words of encouragement at British cyclists and rowers! It is also wonderful to be ahead of all of our European rivals (sorry partners) and those sportsmad Australians. The press coverage (print, radio and TV media) has been ebullient, full of as many puns and clichés using the words gold and golden as you could think of with blanket coverage of any sport where there was a medal prospect – cue the most coverage that cycling and sailing has probably ever had on British TV.


Its all a long cry from the spectacular underperformances we have grown use to in post-Imperial Britain. Previously we had to seek solace in heroic failures such as plasterer Eddie-the-Eagle's famed last place in the Olympic ski-jumping competition in the 1988 Calgary Olympics. For those of you who don't remember his 'gallant' attempts, while Eddie was the first Brit to ever compete in this event and the British record holder he came last, and was an unmissable figure jumping in his thick glasses because he was so short-sighted. Qualifying because he was the British No.1 some within the IOC who clearly had no sense of humour felt Eddie was making a mockery of the sport and indeed the games and so changed the rules of qualification to make it impossible for anyone else to follow in his wake.

So from over-used clichés about sportsmanship, and 'its not the winning that counts' we are currently all being cheered up by our Olympian champions, and boy do we need it with all this rain.

Friday 15 August 2008

Ernie, the Fastest MilkMan in the West

Inspired by a green blogger http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/monthwithoutplastic/ I opted to stop buying supermarket milk, despite the recently announced massive price cuts, and returned to doorstep delivery by the local milkman.

To be honest paying 10-20p more a pint is not going to bankrupt me and so on Monday morning I woke up to find a once familiar sight -- the humble pint bottle sitting on my doorstep. And you know what? It brought back such nostalgia. If like me you can remember the clink of milk bottles and the whirring of the milk float’s electric engine in the wee small hours of the morning then you will know what I mean, it’s like the dairy equivalent of the tooth fairy.

Some of you may even recall robbing pints from people’s doorsteps on the way home from a late night drunken session or awaking to find birds had pecked a hole in the aluminium foil to drink the cream.

My Grandma actually bought some plastic device that you left for the milkman to fit over the bottle to stop the little feathered thieves – probably bought it from one of those companies who you only ever see advertising their wares in the Daily Mail alongside adult incontinence pants and illuminated magnifying glasses.

Anyhow so now I am recycling with minimal effort and helping to preserve a dying occupation and this morning when I opened my door I found a cornucopia of goodies – milk, fruit juice and organic eggs, it was like Supermarket Santa had been and paid me a visit.

Support your milkman!



P.S. while I am on my 70s nostalgia-trip go here to see the No.1 song from Dec 7th 1971... (Incidentally Tory Leader David Cameron picked this as one of his desert island discs!!!!!!)








Thursday 14 August 2008

What are Pringles? And When is a Cake a Biscuit?

I remembered this this morning when I heard a good gag on the radio. The comedian quipped "Pringles are the only self-regulating junk food -- when your hand is too fat to fit in the tube you know you've had enough". Made me chuckle.

Anyway it reminded me of the UK High Court's ruling that Pringles were not in fact crisps (potato chips to the Americans out there). Apparently the firm took this to court to avoid paying VAT (sales tax) at 17.5% on snacks made from potatoes.

Turns out, according to the experts, that only 42% of said snack food is made from potatoes or potato flour... which makes you wonder what on earth the other 58% is!

Of course this follows earlier cases where manufacturers have tried to prove their produce is not one particular food item for tax purposes... apparently Jaffa Cakes are cakes rather than biscuits (cookies). But all this pales into insignificance when you consider Marks and Spencer's Tea Cakes.

The famous UK food and clothing retailer has spent 13 and 1/2 years fighting to reclaim tax it paid because the UK government classed its teacakes as biscuits rather than cakes. Eventually this went to the highest court in the UK (The House of Lords) and then to the European Court of Justice where Euro-judges ruled that M&S were entitled to a £3.5 million rebate.

Just picture the Law Lords in their robes and wigs arguing about whether a cake was a cake or a biscuit -- only in Britain LOL

Wednesday 13 August 2008

Back to the Future II

Wait a minute! The more I think about it the more we do seem to be back in the 1970s.

Besides the Soviets (sorry Russians) marching round their periphery crushing dissenting Slavs consider the following:

1. The US is fighting an unpopular war in a distant country
2. Dr Who is one of the most popular TV programmes on the BBC
3. Inflation is back (exceeding 4% in July)
4. Unemployment is rising again for the first time in years
5. The economy is stalling

Combine the last three and you get that uniquely 70s phenomenon -- Stagflation

Oh and just like in the late 70s all of this is happening under a deeply unpopular Labour government.

All we need now are some striking miners in donkey-jackets (see picture for the non-UK audience), and a scary woman with blonde hair in the Conservative party...





ahhhhhhhhh where did I park that time machine



Tuesday 12 August 2008

Back to the Future



I think I must have fallen asleep and woken up in the 1970s, much like that character from the BBC TV programme 'Life on Mars'. I mean Soviet (sorry Russian) tanks and troops are pouring into a neigbouring country that tried to assert a little too much independence from Moscow. Is it me or haven't we been here before.... Hungary 1956, Czechoslovakia 1968. Just as then, even if this stops short of regime change, it will nevertheless have demonstrated the limits of Russian tolerance in its near abroad.


So it seems were back to bad or good old days (depending on your point of view) when we knew clearly who are enemey was and where to find them. Yes its Cold War Redux. Well what did we expect? Putin has already brought back the old Soviet era national anthem, Hollywood has already dusted the cobwebs off Rambo and brought him back this year to fight in the jungles of Burma and in the States we have a Cold War veteran jostling with a black JFK to be the next President.

What was it Marx once said, "all great, world-historical facts and personages occur, as it were, twice... the first time as tragedy, the second as farce.”

Right I'm off in my Austin Mini to go and buy some flared trousers and a kipper tie.

Thursday 7 August 2008

You know you're getting old when...


I was going to start my first proper post by saying that I was in danger of becoming a grumpy old man, when suddenly I realised I was a grumpy old b**stard already. Aside from the salt and pepper stubble and the sprouting of nasal (and worse) ear hair I thought I'd begin my musings and rants with a random list of 'Signs you're getting old'.


  1. You can remember when Pop Diva Kylie Minogue was just the fresh-faced star of an Australian soap opera.
  2. You got a free half-pint of milk at primary school.
  3. You remember Batman, Star Wars and Indiana Jones the first time round
  4. You can remember when Madonna was every young boys pin-up rather than a dancing grandma
  5. You have no idea what is No.1 in the singles chart, and you no longer care
  6. Sportsmen and women are considerably younger than you
  7. Politicians are the same age as you
  8. You trade your left-leaning newspaper (The Guardian in my case) for something more sensible (The Times)
  9. You complain about the price of a pint passing £3.00 (I actually paid £4.00 the other day and nearly had a fit)
  10. You complain about music being too loud
  11. You have to get up to pee in the night
  12. You berate kids for behaving badly with the infamous “we didn't behave like that when we were children”
  13. You start going to bed early and, or waking up at hours unheard of 10 years before
  14. You notice you have a dental 'routine'
  15. You vote in local elections
  16. You buy a hat because you think you look good in it (and I don't mean a beanie or a baseball cap)
  17. Exercise becomes a necessity rather than a hobby
  18. Gin and Tonic becomes you long drink of choice
  19. You buy the latest hi-tech gadget, find you have no idea how it works and ask your neighbour/friend/sibling's children to show you instead
  20. You can remember when a Snickers bar was called Marathon

First Post


First did this long before it was fashionable then gave up (long story which I won't bore you with for now).

Anyway after a long hiatus I've decided to return to the Blogosphere. As then expect a series of random posts covering everything from the weather to my constant struggles with incompetent people, bureaucracy and the occasional irritations caused by 'lazy' flies.

From time to time I'll 'do a bit of politics' (my trade after all -- well studying it and boring others about it) and comment.

Sometimes it'll be amusing, sometimes it won't and in any case with so many thousands of blogs out there who'll be reading anyway?